He Will Be Seen

The man and woman are greying and wrinkling when the long-awaited child finally comes. Decades of barrenness and mistrust and attempting to make their own way finally yield the promised baby boy. They love and adore the little guy. Awe overtakes them as he learns to crawl, then walk, then talk. There are moments when they feel as if they have the smartest and cutest young man in the whole world. He grows and matures into a young teenager when the call comes. “I want him back,” says the God-man, “take your only beloved son Isaac up to the mountain and offer him as a burnt offering.”   

The aging man obeys, knowing that after decades of following his own devices and wreaking havoc, the miraculous promised boy had come and God could even raise him from the dead if necessary. He takes his precious son and they go to worship. The altar is ready, the boy is bound, fire and knife are in hand  The man raises the knife to strike, a foreshadowing of another Father willing to slaughter His own precious Son, when another command comes, “Do not lay a hand on him.”

The story goes on to say:

“And Abraham lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, behind him was a ram, caught in a thicket by his horns. And Abraham went and took the ram and offered it up as a burnt offering instead of his son. So Abraham called the name of that place, ‘The LORD will provide’; as it is said to this day, ‘On the mount of the LORD it shall be provided.” - Genesis 22:13-14

There are footnotes to this passage that say verse 14 could also be read “So Abraham called the name of that place, ‘The LORD will see’; as it is said to this day, ‘On the mount of the LORD he will be seen.”

The provision of God can be described as the place of union where He both sees and He will be seen.  

Earlier this year, I came across a similar passage in Exodus 2. This story begins with the children of Israel in Egypt oppressed and enslaved:

“During those many days the king of Egypt died, and the people of Israel groaned because of their slavery and cried out for help. Their cry for rescue from slavery came up to God. And God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob. God saw the people of Israel - and God knew.” -vs. 23-25

This account of God seeing and being seen is reiterated in the next chapter:

vs. 7 “I have seen the affliction... have heard their cry... I know their sufferings”

vs. 8 “I have come down to deliver them...”

vs. 9 “I have also seen the oppression

vs. 16 “I have observed you and what has been done to you in Egypt”

vs. 17 “I promise that I will bring you up out of the affliction”

vs. 18 “the elders of Israel shall go to the king of Egypt and say to him, ‘The LORD, the God of the Hebrews, has met with us;”

I love both of these passages and the hope and trust they instill. I don’t always understand my path, especially the rocky ascents but I take comfort in the knowledge that no matter, He sees, He remembers, He knows, He hears, He observes. He does not remain a God who is aloof and not interested in getting His hands dirty in my life. Rather, in His time, He will provide, He will act, He will come down and He will be seen in my paths and I will meet with the Creator of the Universe.  

Wonders of His Love

I am currently watching Downton Abbey, a TV series that takes place in England in a noble home at the beginning of the 20th century. The show focuses on the members of the noble family as well as the servants and how their lives are intertwined. While the Lord and Lady of the house have the final say in matters, quite often the servants are shown giving advice and making suggestions to their superiors. In addition, there are scenes where the servants strive to protect the reputation of members of the noble family, or show deep concern when one of the young ladies is interested in a less than worthy suitor.

Having this in mind, I was struck when thinking about the birth announcement of Christ to the shepherds. After the angels delivered the 'good news of great joy', they praised God.
  
The angels in a sense are God’s servants. They exist to do His bidding and to make sure He receives the glory due to Him. Jesus was the favored and only Son of God and God decided to select the sinfully rebellious humans to be His bride. He sent Jesus into the filth of the world among riffraff in order to woo dirty, ignoble, diseased, lazy, common, sinful humans. I imagine if a storyline similar to the birth announcement of Jesus were to be in the television show, the servants would not be praising their master’s decision but rather trying to dissuade him. The audience would see them in the servant’s quarters discussing how their master had lost his mind, discussing how unworthy the selected bride was for such a noble gentleman. 

The angels did not argue or attempt to dissuade God. Instead they gave the only proper response, worship. They looked beyond the initial circumstances and saw the coming Savior and Redeemer of mankind and they knew it was good news of great joy. God’s ways are higher and the angels understood this truth. May I join the angels in worship of this Great God and the wonders of His love.  

ADVENT IS HERE!!!

If you know me very well, you know that I have not been a big fan of the Christmas season for many years. It all began my first year of college and progressively got worse each year. The Christmas season was thrust upon me on November 1st when the grocery store and later party store I worked for began playing Christmas music. One can only hear ‘Santa Baby’ or ‘All I Want for Christmas is You’ a certain number of times before wanting to permanently install ear plugs. In addition to the 240 hours of non-stop Christmas music, I also had some of the rudest customers I can remember. I worked many Christmas Eve shifts while my family was at home celebrating. To top it off, even though I was working, I had no extra money to buy presents for anyone. 

That first year when I had no money for presents, it made me reevaluate the whole ordeal. Why do we buy presents for others when the holiday is called CHRISTmas, a day to celebrate the birth of Jesus? Shouldn’t we be giving Him presents? And what does one give the Creator of the world? If we do give gifts, would it not be more appropriate to follow Saint Nicholas who took Jesus’ words seriously to ‘sell your possessions and give to the poor’ and gave gifts to the needy, poor, and suffering? Why was I concerned about not having money to give gifts to my friends and family who needed nothing and were so well provided for that when asked what they would like could think of nothing they wanted either?

I fumed about Christmas for many years and was restless on how to reconcile the angst inside me. I eventually found out about Samaritan’s Purse Gift catalog. If you are unfamiliar, the catalog has gifts like baby chickens, goats, a boat, water purifiers, etc. you can purchase in honor of a family member or friend for someone poor and needy. I began matching the amount I purchased for someone and bought a gift of chickens or a goat equal to the gift price in honor of the person as well.  

Then a few year ago, I discovered Advent Conspiracy and for the first time in years, I was excited about CHRISTmas. Advent Conspiracy’s vision listed on their website is below:

“We all want our Christmas to be a lot of things. Full of joy. Memories. Happiness. Above all, we want it to be about Jesus. What we don't want is stress. Or debt. Or feeling like we "missed the moment". Advent Conspiracy is a movement designed to help us all slow down and experience a Christmas worth remembering. But doing this means doing things a little differently. A little creatively.” 

The number one focus of AC is to worship fully, to reclaim this time of year to focus on and worship the beauty of God becoming man. This is what I had been longing for and so dissatisfied about. It is too wonderful of an event to only celebrate for 24 hours on Christmas day. It is too wonderful to get swept away by stress, gifts, busyness, gifts, holiday parties, gifts. AC encourages people to buy less and give the gift of quality time with loved ones and then to reallocate the money that would have been spent on a gift to someone in need.

Finally, I discovered advent itself. Advent is for adoring Jesus, worshiping and meditating on His coming to earth. It is a chance to slow in this busy season and marvel at He who is the ‘Joy of every longing heart.’ It is a chance to wait in eager expectation for the coming our our Lord.  

I hope you will join me in this season of wonder, awe, and worship and better giving. I have included links to advent resources below:

Samaritan’s Purse Gift Catalog

https://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php/Giving/gift_catalog/ 

Advent Conspiracy Promo Video

http://vimeo.com/50320595

Desiring God Free Advent ebook

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/good-news-of-great-joy-free-advent-ebook 

Ann Voskamp’s Free Jesse Tree devotional

http://www.aholyexperience.com/ 

In Sickness and Health

I arrived at work on Tuesday a bit late and thus a bit frazzled.  I sat down as the only other present co-worker rushed out to take care of things for her children. Twenty minutes into my work day, my head exploded with pain followed by other unpleasant feelings making me feel as if I had been hit by a truck. My coworker came back a few minutes later and I mumbled that I was not feeling well and managed to make it home and in my yard before being sick. My head then exploded again and I proceeded to spend the next ten or so hours on the couch trying to recover.  

In spite of all the pain and weakness, the day was glorious. It was a day reminiscent of Psalm 23: ‘He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters.’ 

All who know me know that I do not like crowds of people and that I could go many days seeing only one or two people or no people. Last weekend had been busy and full of people. The weekend looming ahead promised to be full of small spaces with lots of family members and loud children. I remember laying on the couch thinking, ‘Even though I feel awful, this is a gift.’ I spent the day sleeping, reading, sleeping, eating, watching movies and sleeping some more.  

I was reminded of all this again yesterday when I saw another friend post on Facebook about how she had been sick and said sometimes she thinks it happens to make her be still. I think she is indeed correct. The greener grass of sickness means rest. For Tuesday’s ceasing, I am grateful.

Laurel Burch

I recently began teaching an after school art class at a local arts school. I have three cute, rambunctious girls ages 7-8 in my class. The theme for the year is America and we have been studying various American artists as well as other aspects of America and tying those things into art related lessons.  

Our most recent lesson was on American artist Laurel Burch. I had never heard of Ms. Burch but I came across a lesson that looked pretty easy. When we discuss artists, I usually try to give a little background on the artist. I visited Laurel Burch’s website to do a little research.  

Laurel Burch was born with a rare bone disease called ostepetrosis. At age 14 she left her troubled home and wound up in San Francisco. She found sustenance by doing several odd jobs. Her art career began with her making jewelry for herself out of different things like old coins, bones, and beads. People began to notice them and she later started selling and trading her jewelry. Eventually her bone disease caused her to be either bed bound or confined to a wheelchair but this did not stop her from painting. She had this life motto:

“I refuse to have anything in my life that I can’t turn around into something magical and beautiful. I just refuse.”

She even considered her disease to be a gift:

“Being physically vulnerable is, in a lot of ways, a tremendous advantage in terms of human wisdom. My bone disease was my gift.”

I was thinking of Laurel Burch as a headache continued to pound inside my skull. At the moment I was less than grateful for the pain. Yet, here was a woman who was often confined, often uncomfortable, and often grateful. She did not moan and complain that life was unfair. Instead, she found the green grasses of life with disease. She spent her time meditating on what was important in life and left a legacy of artwork that indeed was magical and beautiful. May I endeavor to see all things in my life as a gift. 

“All the paths of the LORD are steadfast love and faithfulness...”  -Psalm 25:10 

Click here to see some of Ms. Burch's magical and beautiful art.  

My cat as a demonstration

Drawn by one of my students, age 7

Drawn by one of my students, age 8

2,000 Gifts

2,000 gifts and still counting.  Check them out at my new blog when you have a chance.  You may be one of my gifts!

Fall Musings

I went for a hike on this beautiful fall day. While hiking, I began meditating on how the seasons represent our lives. Each season brings blessing. Fall gives beauty and vibrancy that is unparalleled in the other seasons. It also brings death. The vibrant leaves are wonderful but quickly the color fades and what is left are dead, crispy brown leaves. I thought of how this shedding of leaves is necessary for the trees. I read that trees shed leaves to conserve energy and maintain moisture. In addition, the leaves that fall to the ground act as a mulch that insulates and gives nutrients to the tree roots.  

We experience seasons in our spiritual lives. We go through sparse, desolate winters. Eventually, the earth begins to thaw, life returns to the earth. We begin to thrive again. We get comfortable with the ease of life. Eventually we realize that difficulty, trials, desolation are again on the horizon. Our richness, comfort, stability begin to reach a crescendo like the fall leaves in the height of their vibrant colors. Like the trees, it is necessary for us to "shed" as well. It is good to shed the dead things in our lives. In comfort, we accumulate sin and often do not realize the harmfulness of it. It is imperative that we too are purged from the things that if left will zap us of our life. In the difficult seasons, our sins begin to fall to the ground and the decay of self begins to nourish our eternal souls. This nourishment allows us to get through the winter and we come out on the other side, fit vessels for new growth and new life.      

“We are apt to overshoot, in days that are calm, and to think ourselves far higher, and more strong than we find we be, when the trying day is upon us... We should be overgrown with flesh, if we had not our seasonable winters. It is said that in some countries trees will grow, but will bear no fruit, because there is no winter there. The Lord bless all seasons to his people, and help them rightly to behave themselves, under all the times that go over them.” -John Bunyan

Beautiful Emptiness

“From the best bliss that earth imparts we turn unfilled to Thee again.” 

-St. Bernard of Clairvaux

bliss  [blis]

noun

1. supreme happiness; utter joy or contentment

I remember several years ago I spent some time musing about marriage and thought if only I could get married my life would be blissful. Then I read Donald Miller’s book Blue Like Jazz.  In the book he includes a discussion with a friend who was a newlywed. Here is what his friend Paul had to say about marriage:  

“It’s like we are separate people, and there is no getting inside each other to read each other’s thoughts, each other’s beings. Marriage is amazing because it is the closest two people can get, but they can’t get all the way to the place of absolute knowing. Marriage is the most beautiful thing I have ever dreamed of, Don, but it isn’t everything. It isn’t Mecca. Danielle loves everything about me; she accepts me and tolerates me and encourages me. She knows me better than anybody else in the world, but she doesn’t know all of me, and I don’t know all of her. And I never thought after I got married there would still be something lacking. I always thought marriage, especially after I first met Danielle would be the ultimate fulfillment. It is great, don’t get me wrong, and I am glad I married Danielle, and I will be with her forever. But there are places in our lives that only God can go.” (p. 146) 

Here was my response to reading this:

“How amazing are You God, You designed an echo, a scent, a hint of Yourself in marriage. Marriage is the closest we can get to what our hearts ache for:  

to be known

to be loved

to be valued

to be complete

to be redeemed

We almost make it but in Your wisdom You left something lacking, leftover ache that causes us to look to You for it, You have to be our God, no human can be it all. There is still something greater than human marriage - union with You. A part of me wants to say its cruel to give us almost everything, to use all the pieces of the puzzle only to find pieces are missing. But to complete the puzzle on earth would prove You unloving, would prove that the greatest glory to be worshipped would be something temporal and not God Almighty. But instead You give us a taste, You give us hope of something greater. Our completion, our redemption, our value is this:  

‘I mean that to be in a relationship with God is to be loved purely and furiously.’ (Donald Miller Blue Like Jazz p. 146)"

This is the incredible beauty of emptiness, of lack. It is His way. God demonstrates over and over that this life and all it holds, both good and bad, is transient. My hope, my eternal bliss, my completion and redemption, it will come but not in this life.  

“For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face.  Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.”  -1 Corinthians 13:12  

For now, He creates lack in my life, He means for me to experience emptiness so I will indeed ‘turn unfilled to Thee again’. He means for me to find satisfaction and fulfillment for this life in Him alone over and over again.   

Check out the song that inspired this blog post here: 

"How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings. They feast on the abundance of your house, and you give them drink from the river of your delights. For with you is the fountain of life; in your light do we see light." -Psalm 36:7-9

The Greener Grasses of My Job

Borrowed from a friend's Facebook Post

I was thinking today about a person I know who works in a factory. It made me stop and really appreciate my job. I get bored with my job sometimes and restless to move on to something new but the reality is that the hardest part of my job is trying to keep my eyelids open on sleepy days. I thought back to earlier days. I remember working at Taco Bell for a few weeks. Every night after work I would dream all night long about making tacos. Another former work experience involved a hairnet and a wage of $5.20 per hour, a whole five cents above minimum wage at the time. I worked harder and made less at that job than any other job.  At my current place of employment, I make well above my old $5.20. I get the coveted 8-5 shift. I get to spend all the major holidays with my family. I have paid sick time.      

I was also thinking about how thankful I am for my car. I’ve had the thing for almost 7 years and had to do very little maintenance. During my college and post college days, I was never really sure when my car would choose not to start.  It is a tremendous blessing to have a dependable car.  

Indeed, there is plenty of green grass underneath my feet.

When The World Crumbles...

It’s been a heavy week. I feel like I have been bombarded with much weighty news from several different friends. The green grass of all of this is that I decided last week to start memorizing Psalm 46 and God brought it to my mind during my first chance to lay the first of these things at His feet and with the thought, I have a more restful heart.

God is my refuge and my strength,

a very present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear

though the earth gives way,

though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,

though its waters roar and foam,

though the mountains tremble at its swelling.

Selah. 

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High.  God is in the midst of her;  she 

shall not be moved;

God will help her when morning dawns.

The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;

he utters his voice, the earth melts.

The LORD of hosts is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Selah. 

Come, behold the works of the LORD, how he has brought desolations on the earth.  He makes wars cease to the end of the earth.  he breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the chariots with fire.

Be still,

  and know

  that I am God.

I will be exalted

among the nations,

I will be exalted

in the earth!

The LORD of hosts is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress.

The Greener Grasses of Sunshine and Rain

I recall a day several years ago eating at IHOP with my friend Erin. It was a cold, wintry, January day and she commented on how she was looking forward to warmer weather. I pointed out that a month into the warmer weather we would be wishing for cooler weather.  

As humans, it seems we want what we don’t have. It seems the grass really is greener on the other side. I want sunshine not rain. Nope, I changed my mind, I would rather have rain this week. It’s too cold. It’s too hot. I want to be married. I want to have kids. No, this month I want to be single. I want more free time. I have too much free time. I want more money. I didn’t think I would have to work longer and harder for the money.

I also remember earlier this year a period of weeks of gloom and rain. I craved the sunshine and it eluded me. Fast forward to late June when it hit the triple digits and it seemed there was endless scorching hot sunshine. It didn’t rain for what seemed like weeks and I craved the rain. 

For a while, I viewed marriage as sunshine and singleness as rain. As a single, I believed there were greener grasses and gorgeous sunshine days in the land of marriage and my days mostly consisted of rain and gloom. Around this same time I read a book called ‘Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?’ by Carolyn McCulley. The author based a good portion of the book on 1 Corinthians 7:7-8 where Paul talks about singleness as a gift:

“...But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows it is good for them to remain single as I am.”

“Against this cultural backdrop, we read that Paul calls both marriage and singleness a gift from God. He doesn’t refer to either as a state of being or as a function, but as a gift. The Greek word Paul used here is charisma.”  -Carolyn McCulley

Charisma means a free gift of grace or blessing. It is also used in 1 Corinthians 12:7 stating that charisma gifts (including spiritual gifts) are given for the common good. Peter also uses the word in 1 Peter 4:10 to say our gifts are to be used to serve others. McCulley describes it as building up the body of Christ meaning as singles, we are to serve those who are married and the church as a whole with our extra time, affections and resources in an effort to build them up, thus building up the church.  

I was ticked off when I read this. Here was my ugly, selfish response to her words:

“This is the part I don’t like. Selfishly and honestly I don’t like the idea of having to go through life alone not experiencing intimacy, someone to share my burdens because I’m to serve those who do have the things I lack. It is a gross confession but honest. I was thinking the other day about how both rain & sunshine are blessings for us but we tend to covet the sun & not the rain. The rain nourishes, causes growth and life but the sun gives us excuses to spend our time on seeking our pleasure. The real stump is that Paul viewed singleness as the sun & marriage as the rain, the thing that distracts us from true pleasure. I kind of want to tell Paul he has it wrong but I’m sure I’m the one in error.”

I have since come to agree with Paul that yes, singleness is a gift and yes, there are so many aspects of singleness that are superior (sunshine) to marriage. But I have also realized that sunshine and rain are both blessings and both are needed. This past week I was told by two individuals that they envied my singleness. Two years ago I would have told them they were crazy. I have come to learn over the past two years that there are aspects of rain and sunshine to both sides. As a single gal, I get a full night’s sleep 99% of the time. I come home from work at 5 and I am free to cook dinner or not cook dinner. I can have cereal for dinner every night of the week without anyone complaining about it. I clean my apartment when I’m ready. I only do my own laundry and I do it when I want. I pick up after myself and only myself. I am free to spend my money when and how I want or not spend my money. I have a disposable income! I have time to have a quiet time. I have uninterrupted quiet times. I can go to a local park and spend a whole day alone if I so choose. I have my own space/bedroom that I have to share with no one. On holidays, I have one place to spend my holiday. I can travel when I choose. For many readers, this list causes envy but it’s not all sunshine, these happen to be my greener grasses.   

Singleness has gloomy aspects as well. I eat alone probably 85% of the time. I continue to go to holiday gatherings alone, weddings alone, couples showers alone. Almost every single Sunday, I show up at church alone and often sit alone. I have to drive myself everywhere. I have to pump my own gas, take out my own trash, carry all the groceries in alone. I have to figure out how to deal with mice, flat tires and moving heavy objects myself. I have to make major life decisions alone. Not only do I not have the luxury of a companion, I am also unable to have my own family. Weddings can be hard, baby showers can be hard. On top of all of this, single people are constantly experiencing grief through loss. A friend gets married. They choose to make a major life change. I did not get to voice my opinion about their choice but yet our friendship changes. Good friends still make an effort to spend time with me but more often than not, the friend drops out of my life entirely and I am left to figure out how to continue life with this vacancy.  

(I want to take a side note here to encourage you to adopt a single person. Career aged singles are usually a minority and often overlooked and feel out of place. They no longer fit in to the college scene but they also can’t really identify with young married couples or moms/dads either. Have them over for dinner. Ask them to join you in going to a wedding, baby shower, holiday party, etc. I remember dreading a couples shower one time because I was going alone. A friend of mine called me up to see if I would like to go with her since her husband was out of town. This totally made the evening fun and easy for me. If you are a recent newlywed, be intentional about continuing to spend time with your single friends.)  

I was reminded of all of this the other day. During the praise/share time portion of our fellowship service, one person said she was thankful for the rain, thankful that it nourishes and brings life.  

As I have mentioned before, I have had a burning desire for several years for a certain new career path and home. I recently spent a week with some friends who are currently living out my desire in respect to home and career path. Needless to say, I was a bit depressed when I had to leave and depressed when I came back to my same old life. On Sunday it struck me that my friends are living as light/sunshine in a place that desperately needs sunshine. I am here serving them through prayer, care packages, and other various ways. In a sense, I am the rain, the nourishment. The two go hand in hand. Excess of either is destructive. I get to nourish/encourage/support. I bring the rain so they can bring the sunshine. They wouldn’t be able to do what they are doing if I were not doing what I am doing. I am learning to rethink my concept of good things. Sunshine is good, it is grace. Rain also is good, it is grace. Without rain, living things die. Marriage is good, it is grace. Singleness too is grace. Serving abroad and serving locally, both are grace. In all these things we are sanctified and it is more grace.      

Tonight as I was driving I wept and I worshipped. I wept because yet another person close to me is exiting singleness and entering marriage and I am left behind. I wept because friends continue to be sent out to do work I ache to do but I am left here in the wake of their departure. I am left to the tasks that feel at times mundane, the tasks that take second place to the ‘real deal’. I am left here to rain and nourish not only their new work but works here, families here. I flung my arms open and worshipped, worshipped because He is worthy of my offering. Worshipped in quiet surrender declaring that if I’m to be the rain, that He would help me be poured out, that He would use me to nourish, to build up the body both here and abroad. What a privilege to serve Him however He chooses. What a privilege to ‘bleed my heart empty if He’ll fill it up again’ and bleed it into the lives of local families. Who knows how I might ease their lives just a fraction which in turn gives them enough to pour into their kids and their kids grow up to be the godliest of men and women. After all, this is exactly what Jesus did. He served, He built up the body. He bent and washed dirty feet and said, this is how you will be great. I sang the ugliest melody with snot clogged nose and voice breaking and yet, it was the most beautiful of worship songs to Him. It is the same song Jesus sang out in the dark Garden of Gethsemane. He was grieved to the point of death and still He sang out ‘Not My will but Yours be done’ and what a gloriously beautiful offering it was!

And through it all, I get to walk down this path, these paths, future paths hand in hand with Him. Many years ago, He told me, ‘Candace, I have given you the greatest gift I could possibly give you, I have given you Myself.‘    

“Take these hands and lift them up

For I have not the strength to praise You near enough

See I have nothing, I have nothing without You

Take my voice and pour it out

Let it sing the songs of mercy I have found

For I have nothing, I have nothing without You

Take my body and build it up

May it be broken as an offering of love

For I have nothing, I have nothing without You

All my soul needs

Is all Your love to cover me

So all the world will see

That I have nothing

But I love You

With all my heart

With all my soul

With all my mind

With all the strength that I can find

Take my time here on this earth

And let it glorify all that You are worth

For I am nothing,

I am nothing without You”  -Bebo Norman