The Greener Grasses of the Menial

"He put another parable before them saying, 'The kingdom of heaven is like a grain of mustard seed that a man took and sowed in his field. It is the smallest of all seeds, but when it has grown it is larger than all the garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and make nests in its branches." -Matthew 13:31-32

Over thanksgiving a few years ago, my dad was telling me about how he had a really bad childhood. His dad, my grandfather, was an alcoholic and at times physically abusive. In my lifetime, my dad has never once been abusive and I have never known him to drink alcohol. I asked my dad what was the turning point in his life where he decided to break out of the mold of alcohol and abuse, of broken life cycles that so many children get trapped in. He said when he was younger he went over to a Christian friend’s house for dinner and the dad hugged his kids. My dad said he thought to himself, “I want some of that. My dad never hugged me and I want to find that kind of love.”  

One hug was a small seed that produced great growth and eventually forever changed my dad’s life. A hug. A single hug set him on a path that eventually led him to follow Jesus and break away from the generational sins of his father. It was such a small menial act. The hugging father of this family probably has no idea of the impact this one small act has made. Because of one hug, I have had a beautiful childhood full of love and hugs and Jesus.  

Don’t underestimate the power of small and seemingly insignificant acts of kindness. The verse at the beginning is true when it says, the kingdom of heaven is like a tiny mustard seed, it starts out small but can grow into the largest of trees. You never know who may be watching. You never know when your actions may bring the broken life cycles to an end for the next generation.

Jesus had it right when he said that is how people would know we followed him by our love for each other. I dare you to brave the menial and see if you can see future oaks of righteousness grown by simple acts of kindness.

"What should I do but love with all my might?

To die of love severe and pure and stark were scarcely loss

To lord a loveless height

That were damnation's positive night."

-George MacDonald

Lent... A Journey of Indulgence!

Several years ago, I realized how every year Easter would come along and I would be so busy with life that I never took time to sit down and meditate on the glorious reason we celebrate Easter. The season would come and go and I would be unchanged. I decided I wanted to take a whole weekend and get away from life and think about the cross, the resurrection, the reason for the season. With some Christmas money, I rented a cabin over the Easter weekend, entered the solitude for a few days, and I worshipped. By the time I made it to church on Easter Sunday, I was more than ready to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus. The next year I began participating in Lent as a way to spend a little over a month preparing my soul, heart, and mind for the glorious celebration.

For those of you who are unfamiliar, Lent is a time of fasting, abstaining from something that will seem like a sacrifice. It is a time for repentance, reflection, and preparation for Easter. Lent lasts for 40 days beginning today, Ash Wednesday. A person fasts Monday through Saturday and skips Sunday because it commemorates the Resurrection. The entire thing ends the day before Easter and by the time Easter arrives, so has joy!  

This year I have decided to do away with fasting and indulge instead. I plan to daily indulge on sweet, special, set-apart holy time with my Father. I plan to take walks, drink hot cocoa, listen to some good music, read some solid prayers while practicing His presence. I am daily focusing on scripture about light and hope. Instead of skipping Sundays, I am going to indulge even more and I am setting aside special ‘date time’ with my Lord. I am also implementing my own Way of Light Wreath, lighting a new candle every day until the crescendo where plethora of candles will be lit in eager expectation of the celebration of my risen Savior.  

Consider joining me in this ‘Journey of Indulgence’ and leaning into the Father. If you are looking for ideas or suggestions, I suggest reading this blog post:

http://rachelheldevans.com/40-ideas-for-lent-201

"Come away with Me, Come away with Me

It's never too late, it's not too late

It's not too late for you

I have a plan for you

I have a plan for you

It's gonna be wild

It's gonna be great

It's gonna be full of Me"

-Brock Human

If you want to hear that awesome song, check out this link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHarmx7ucdE

Super-Abundant Grace

A Valentine's gift and a good laugh from my sister!

I knew the question was coming as it comes every six months. I was sitting in the chair at the dentist office with my mouth propped open and the cleaning pick chipping away at the plaque on my teeth, when the hygienist said, “So how is your love life?” Once my mouth was free of dental tools, I awkwardly answered that there was nothing in that realm. The hygienist then said, “Well your mom told me to put it on my prayer list so I’ll keep praying.”  

I heard a speaker say one time that she was more than content to be single for about 350 days a year but the other 15 or so days were pretty brutal. Last week I had 5 amazing days sandwiched in by 2 of those not-so-amazing days. I had been super content for several consecutive months enjoying living the independent single life but then the sneaky, dark, mistrusting thoughts began to creep into my brain:  

‘Is this singleness ever going to end?’

‘Will there ever be another guy actually interested in me?’

‘Will I ever be asked out again?’

‘Will I ever keep a cool enough head to not want to dart for the bathroom when I see a guy I might want to interact with?’

‘Will I ever not be so awkward?’

‘What kind of weird vibe do I unknowingly emit that acts as a guy repellent?’

‘Did God use up His last good guy on my last friend that got married?’

‘God must be holding out on me.’

I know these are things that are far cries from the truth but on those hard days, it’s not so easy to distinguish the lie from the truth. The lies seem magnified and more real than normal. I take the bait and flail around on the land of shadows and fog. I cry out to God with my whys. My mom has taken it upon herself to seek out an army of people including my dental hygienist to petition Him to bring me a companion and yet He bides His time. Why?

I confess that I was not very thankful last week. Discontent, ingratitude, ungrateful, hopeless, self-pity were the words to describe my life. Finally on Sunday morning I decided to practice thankfulness in spite of my feelings. Thanklessness yields death, sorrow, self-destruction.  As I began to breathe the words of thanks, the snow of my heart began to melt as snow does when light and warmth shine on it. My mood turned slowly from brooding and self-pity to contentment and eventually to joy. I began to grasp hold of the truth I had been turning over in my mind for a few weeks: 

‘For from His fullness we have all received, GRACE upon GRACE.‘ - John 1:16

‘Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ  with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places,‘ -Ephesians 1:3

“THOU ETERNAL GOD,

Thine is surpassing greatness, unspeakable goodness, super-abundant grace;

I can as soon count the sands of ocean’s ‘lip’ as number thy favours towards me;”

-The Valley of Vision ‘DIVINE MERCIES’ p.10

“He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?” -Romans 8:32

“He gave us Jesus. Jesus! Gave Him up for us all. If we have only one memory, isn’t this one enough? Why is this the memory I most often take for granted? He cut open the flesh of the God-Man and let the blood. He washed our grime with the bloody grace. He drove the iron ore through His own vein. Doesn’t that memory alone suffice? Need there be anything more? If God didn’t withhold from us His very own Son, will God withhold anything we need? If trust must be earned, hasn’t God unequivocally earned our trust with the bark on the raw wounds, the thorns pressed into the brow, your name on the cracked lips? How will He not also graciously give us all things He deems best and right? He’s already given the incomprehensible.

There are moments that as sure as I bruise I don’t feel like good things have been given. What of all the memories where Christ seems absent? When the bridge shakes and heaves, when ‘how will he not also?’ reads more like ‘he will not’. 

Is that it? When it gets dark, it’s only because God has tucked me in a cleft of the rock and covered me, protected, with His hand? In the pitch, I feel like I’m falling, sense the bridge giving way, God long absent. In the dark, the bridge and my world shakes, cracking dreams.  But maybe this is true reality: It is in the dark that God is passing by.  The bridge and our lives shake not because God has abandoned, but the exact opposite: God is passing by. God is in the tremors. Dark is the holiest ground, the glory passing by. In the blackest, God is closest, at work, forging His perfect and right will. Though it is black and we can’t see and our world seems to be free-falling and we feel utterly alone, Christ is most present to us, I-beam supporting in earthquake. Then He will remove His hand. Then we will look. Then we look back and see His back. And I’ve an inkling that there are times when we need to drive a long, long distance, before we can look back and see God’s back in the rearview mirror. Maybe sometimes about as far as heaven - that kind of distance. Then to turn, and see His face.

...and I feel Him, His kiss of tender truth: All fear is but the notion that God’s love ends. Did you think I end, that My bread warehouses are limited, that I will not be enough? But I am infinite, child. What can end in Me? Can life end in Me? Can happiness? Or peace? Or anything you need? Doesn’t your Father always give you what you need? I am the Bread of Life and My bread for you will never end. Fear thinks God is finite and fear believes that there is not going to be enough and hasn’t counting one thousand gifts, endlessly counting gifts, exposed the lie at the heart of all fear? In Me, blessings never end because My love for you never ends.  If My goodness toward you end, I will cease to exist, child. As long as there is a God in heaven, there is grace on earth and I am the spilling God of the uncontainable, forever-overflowing-love-grace.” 

                    -Ann Voskamp One Thousand Gifts  p. 154-161

Super-abundant grace. Grace upon grace. Every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. Uncontainable, forever-overflowing-love-grace. How will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 

I breathe mistrust, ungratefulness for what I have received. I point fingers at He who did not spare his own Son and dare ask Him why. If the only thing He ever gave me was grace, it is more than I deserve. And yet given time, perhaps the distance of eternity but perhaps only a few years, I will see how his delay in bringing a companion will fit beautifully in the intricate tapestry He is weaving. On Sunday as I began to lay a claim on the gifts, to utter thankfulness rather than ingratitude, I was thinking about my list of 1,000. Thinking about the Matt Redman song words: “For all Your goodness I will keep on singing, Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find.” Thinking and thanking...

192. This list exceeds 10,000, it will go on for eternity. 

Father, give me a trusting heart. Help me know in the dark, the fog, the times where sight is not possible but faith is that You are near. You protect. You provide. You are adding grace upon grace upon grace upon grace. May my toes wiggle in the beautiful green grass of singleness every day You have me planted there. May my list of thankfulness crush forever my sins of ingratitude and mistrust.

The Greener Grasses when the answer is NO

I once said I would like to write a book entitled ‘The Two Letter Four Letter Word’ with the subtitle ‘When God Says No’. We respond to the word ‘no’ as we would a curse word. Why would anyone dare deny me the thing I so desperately want? I always laugh at kids who lose it over menial things like not getting to hold the banana they are eating, having the choke hazard balloon taken from them, or being shielded from the very hot stove. As an adult I laugh because the meltdowns seem so insignificant. Then I look at my own life and realize I have never really grown out of the toddler phase. I still have melt downs because of this one word. My meltdowns tend to be more reserved, a little more sophisticated, and last for much longer.  

In the midst of my chuckling at crying children, I often hear God tell me, “This is how I view your meltdowns. Remember that day last week where you had an adult sized meltdown.  Remember when you got so angry in traffic because someone pulled out in front of you. Sometimes I laugh at your ridiculousness. Sometimes I am hurt when you want to be in charge. Sometimes I tell you no because I understand that thing to be a dangerous hot stove or choke hazard balloon.”  

Can we really find joy when we hear the word no? Can we really see greener grasses when our deferred hope makes our heart sick. I am reminded of a day spent on a grassy lake bank reading where Bathsheba had delivered David’s son, the one born out of adultery, lust, and murder. David had fasted for a week for this dying child to be spared and then the child died.  

“Then David arose from the earth and washed and anointed himself and changed his clothes. And he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped.” -2 Samuel 12:20  

God said no and David worshipped? God says no to me and worship is not my response. My response is to pitch a temper tantrum. David pleaded with God to spare his son and God said no and David worshipped God anyway.  

Over the last several years, I have had a deep rooted passion and almost bleeding desire to move to an overseas place that is very near and dear to my heart. My journey has led me to several closed doors. About six months ago, I decided I was fed up and had several months of an adult meltdown. I was beyond frustrated. Didn’t God realize that I knew what was best for me? Didn’t He realize the great need of this place and my willingness to go? Why could He not get with it and speed things along so I could continue with my agenda?

After an extended period of time, I stopped kicking and screaming, my breathing slowed, and as I slowly eased back into a rational being, the gentle, almost inaudible voice came:

‘Have you considered that you keep getting closed doors because I have closed them? Have you considered that your agenda is not My agenda? Have you considered that I am saying no because I have something far better planned?  Have you considered that my plans for good extend beyond just your menial life but reach into the good for this nation?’

Eventually He helped me see that I can be used from my current location to make a greater impact. If I stay here, He can take my deep passion and bleeding desire and make it contagious to those around me. What if He sends 3 families to this place as a result of my contagious passion, how much more impact could 3 entire families have than one single person? What if He sustains my friends who currently live there because I persevere in encouraging them? What if He brings hope, light, and truth to an entire nation because I rally people weekly to pray for this nation? 

This past week I experienced the icing on the cake, the green watered grass underneath my own two feet. I joined efforts with another family here and we got a birthday package ready to mail to one of our friends who live in this place. I wasn’t completely on top of things and ended up mailing the package two weeks before the birthday. The shipping method I chose was the cheapest and estimated the shipping time to be around 4 weeks. Any of you who have shipped internationally know packages actually take closer to 5 or 6 weeks. Imagine my surprise when the collaborating family had talked to the birthday guy and let me know he got the package ON HIS BIRTHDAY! My friend said our friend and his whole family were beaming with joy at the unexpected gift.  

On days like that day, it's really pretty awesome being a state side sender. My cup of joy overflows.

“Too eager I must not be to understand.

How should the work the master goes about

Fit the vague sketch my compasses have planned?

I am his house -- for him to go in and out.

He builds me now -- and if I cannot see

At any time what he is doing with me,

‘Tis that he makes the house for me too grand.” -George MacDonald

The Greener Grasses of Scandalously Loving

With frustration and anger in the speaker’s voice, the individual said, “The child looked at me with such evil and pure hatred that I thought the devil himself was looking back at me. I have never seen a child look at me with that much hatred. The child is just so rebellious and ungrateful and doesn’t give me the respect I deserve especially after everything I have done on the child’s behalf.”  

The statement above was from a conversation I had earlier in the week with a person very dear to me. The context of the situation is about the speaker and family considering allowing this devilish-eyed child to move in with them and the speaker is none too eager. The child has been through more with his immediate family than any person should ever have to endure and the child deals with the stress, grief and pain through anger and rebellion.  

I can understand the speaker desiring respect and obedience from a child who will be receiving grace from the family by allowing the child to move in with them. It seems only natural.  The formula should go like this: the family makes a grand gesture by allowing the child to move in, the child reciprocates by being respectful and obedient. And they all lived happily ever after. The reality is that formulas do not work.  The child will disrespect.  The child will rebel. The child will look again with devil-eyes.

As I had this conversation and as I type these words now, my heart aches, it breaks. An unwanted child at home. A semi-unwanted child at a new home. All the heartache and pain and distress and confusion the child experiences daily. Is there any hope?

At this moment, my heart, soul, and mind are engaged. I am thinking of another rebellious child, another disrespectful person. How often have I been that wounded, angry, hate-filled, bleeding child looking back through lenses of fallenness, lenses of evil at a Being who created me, who gives me breath, who causes blood to flow through my veins, who allows me to stand in His presence, allows my tainted breath into His pure world. He allows me not only breath, but a day of life. He who owes nothing. What do I have that I have not received from Him. He alone who deserves not only respect and obedience but worship and adoration. I am thinking about a grand and glorious God who has invited this child to be a part of His family. As John Piper says:

“That God in eternity looked upon me foreseeing my fallenness, my pride, my sin and said I want that man in my family. I’ll do anything to get him in my family. I will pay for him to be in my family with my son’s life. That’s love folks.  That is mega, off the charts love.”

He not only allows me life and breath but He has willingly looked at my rebellion, my hate bleeding eyes, my disobedience and said, “Her. I want her. I have to have her in my family. She needs to know that I love her and I am willing to pay any cost, even the cost of my only son.”  

There was no hesitation with Him. He did not weigh the cost like the speaker earlier did. He did not look back at my past, my former rebellions. Instead, God shows His amazing and scandalous love for us while we were still enemies living in rebellion. It is unthinkable. It is scandalous. How do you ever repay that kind of grand gesture?  

Here is where the greener grass comes in to play.  

I had a difficult situation with a friend of mine at some point in the past year. Things were unfair. I was having to pick up slack in areas that should have been the friend’s responsibility. I was bitter, angry, dreading every moment I had to spend with this person. Then I came across this passage:

“But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. - But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and evil.” -Luke 6: 27-29, 35

Here is a journal entry from that time period:

“I read the verse “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” (2 Corinthians 3:17) I wonder if that can actually be a reality for this situation? To be so free that I can love him, to go beyond the sinner’s view of love and to treat him as I wanted to be treated in my weakness and sinfulness. To give expecting nothing in return, to return his selfishness with selflessness, to return his laziness with a servant’s heart. It must be a work of Your Spirit.”

The very next day, I dwelt in the freedom of the Spirit and scandalously loved. I made the tiniest gesture of grace to my friend and through it I learned that my friend was going through some really stressful things and felt very lonely. I discovered he was just trying to survive. I gave to him expecting nothing in return and it changed both of us. The tiny, gracious act brought some joy and hope to his stress-filled life and it completely annihilated my bitterness and anger and replaced them with compassion and even love. Scandalously loving my friend allowed me to repay God in a small way, the love He first gave me. 

My thoughts go to the family. Scandalously loving is not easy but the payoff is out of this world. My prayer is that they can scandalously love this child and that when all is said and done, the situation will be redeemed and used to show the gloriousness of God.

“By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.” -I John 3:16