To gather off the floor
And all that seems to matter
Is that I don’t feel you anymore
When I’m overcome by fear
And I hate everything I know
If this waiting lasts forever
I’m afraid I might let go
I need a reason to sing
I need a reason to sing
I need to know that You’re still holding
The whole world in Your hands
I need a reason to sing”
-’Reason to Sing’ by All Sons and Daughters
I came across this song last week and it resonated deeply with me. There are seasons where life is hard, brokenness reigns, thriving is replaced by surviving, everyday life becomes drudgery, and rose colored glasses are replaced by bleak gray ones. The last few months have been this way for me. Sure there have been really amazing moments where my heart has been full but for the most part, the unseen spiritual war has been sucking the life out of me. Things that I can normally brush off have seemingly taken up residence on me. Lies camouflaged as truth have seeped in making truth harder to recognize. The least bit of stress is sending me over the edge. I wake up some mornings and cannot shake the lie that my life will forever be exactly as it has been these past few weeks, that I am forever a prisoner of this season.
The words from several weeks ago continue to burn in my heart, “Candace, you do not have enough expectation in your life.” It’s hard to live with the anticipation of a child with the demands of adulthood beating down all around. I confess that the extent of my anticipation most days has reached no further than gasps for some relief and for enough strength to make it through the day. The enemy is putting up a good fight of keeping me off course with almost weekly attacks particularly to those times of stillness set aside to seek God and listen. And yet, contrary to the words of the song, ‘If this waiting lasts forever, I’m afraid I might let go’ I have not let go. These words of expectation, anticipation, they spark hope in my life in spite of the torrential downpour of difficult things around me. As President Snow said in ‘The Hunger Games’: “Hope is the only thing more powerful than fear.” Newness, life, light, joy, these are all on the way. The enemy knows it and sees it as a threat so he is waging war. The truth is that he has already been defeated. Christ is the victor, Christ prevails, and I am in Christ.
The song at the beginning of this post, it has no resolve. Sometimes that is a good place to be. It is a place of struggle, a place of wrestling as Jacob did with the angel until he received a blessing. I end with the meaty truth of this song:
“I breathe You in God
Cause You are thick all around me
The brightness of Your loves pure light
pierces through the darkest of nights
Everything is possible now,
for God is here and God is good
You are Good God, For You are good to me
When I don’t understand I’ll choose You
When I don’t understand I will choose You God
When I don’t understand I will choose to Love You God”
-'I Breathe You In, God' by Bryan & Katie Torwalt
God is good. God loves. God is not limited. God isn’t faced with impossibilities. God did not spare His own Son, He will not spare anything. And like He reminded me recently, He is for me and not against me. He is not my enemy and I should not view Him as such. He is holding the whole world in His hands. He.Is.Absolutely.Trustworthy.
“So, may all that we hold so dear leave us appetized, at best, for Him who created it – the Author and Fulfiller of life and pleasure. Who, no matter how shiny ‘things’ become, outshines them, and no matter how cloudy our days become, outlasts them. For in Him, clouds become glorious (Romans 8:28)! Their rain falls with grace and we are flooded under the downpour of a fallen world (Romans 8:20). Wet, hurt, and…SATISFIED. Blue skies are no longer our pursuit and sunny days no longer our reward…He IS! And He is better! Jesus- the richest of fare (Psalm 63:5)! Who came not for ‘Good Days’, but that we may have life and life to the full John 10:10)!” – From the inside cover of the CD “Carry Away” by Shane & Shane
