1. “You don’t have to pray about whether you should go to
the bathroom when you’re about to poop your pants.”
2. “He’s as tight as the bark on the tree.”
3. “We’re slinging crap at the wall and seeing what sticks.”
4. “It’s so hot the birds are using oven mitts to dig up
worms.”
5. “Hanging in there like a hair on a biscuit.”
6. “If you ain’t the lead dog in a pack of dogs, the scenery
never changes.”
7. “Some people are so lucky that if they were to fall in a pile
of poop, the poop would turn into gold."
8. “It’s hot with an h-o-t on it.”
9. “If wishes were fishes we’d all have a fry. If pig turds were
biscuits we’d never die.”
10. “Get me one of those soft T-shirt’s. They’re slick, soft
and feel like silk underwear.”
11. “Oh honey, honey, honey. We feel like a goose in a
hailstorm trying to get our trip together.”
12. “You know what a sight is, a gnat’s butt stretched over a
bushel basket.”
13. “Those kids have to be frozen stiffer than a poker.”
14. “It’s colder than whiz. In other words it’s colder than a
well digger’s butt on a Montana morning.”
15. “It’s a nascar (nice car.)”
16. “It’s hard to remember the main objective is to drain the
swamp when an alligator has you by the butt.”
17. “It was a dadgum goat roping.”
18. “It made me as sick as a mule.”
19. “We’ll have to jackhammer this soup out of the bowl.”
20. Aly: what’s a deductible
Daddy: it’s a cussword
21. Mom: My pants are always too long.
Dad: Maybe you should order you a longer pair of legs.
22. “He got on to me like ugly on an ape.”
23. “That’s how it goes honey, first your money then your
clothes.”
24. “Higher than a cat’s back.”
25. “He couldn’t manage his way out of a paper bag.”
26. “That boy is as handy as a pocket on a shirt.”
27. “She could make shoe leather taste good.”
28. “That girl’s tongue is going to come loose and slap her in
the face.”
29. “That girl can talk the horns off a brass monkey.”
30. “Now wait a dang minute.”
31. “I warped the floor pretty hard. It hurt like the dickens.”
32. “Remotsky (remote.)”
33. “I’m a farty pooper.”
34. “She’d tear up an iron wedge.”
35. “He’s drunker than Cooter Brown.”
36. “I’m lost as a ball in high weeds.”
37. “Well I’ll be a son of a gun. “
38. “Madder than a mashed cat.”
39. “Busier than cat covering up poop on a hot tin roof.”
40. “Nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.”
41. “Busier than a one armed man in a wall paper hanging contest.”
42. “Busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest.”
43. “If you’re gonna be dumb you gotta be tough.”
44. “Now I want you to look here. I got both hands full of
donuts. That’s a good day.”
