The Holiday

Locals just wrapped up celebrations for the Sacrifice Holiday. Many sacrifice an animal in honor of the fact that Abraham was willing to sacrifice an animal. Many people use the sacrifice to be thankful for how God has blessed them. They share the meat with poorer folks. Some people go on a vacation instead of sacrificing an animal. 

I didn't get out much on the eve or the first day of the holiday this year so I didn't see as many alive and then dead animals tied up and then hanging up in yards. On the first day, some friends and I had a breakfast picnic for all those not sacrificing an animal. On the second day, CFS sent a message asking if I wanted to come sit with her at her market because she was alone. I surprised her when I showed up with some of her favorite cookies. We talked for a while before I left to see Kadie again. 

Picnic Breakfast

Kadie was in for a few days to celebrate the holiday. She would leave at the end, returning to her new city 17 hours away. I learned that on the second day people visit relatives. The younger folks are supposed to visit their elders. Kadie's dad is the oldest of 8 kids which meant he must wait at home while his siblings paid their respects to him. One of his brothers took a while to come which made him late on visiting his dad and great uncles. I joined them in their first visit to a great uncle. The younger people kiss the elder's hand and then touch it to their foreheads. The older people often give money to the kids in return. The host offers a handful of lemon cologne and a piece of candy. After the cologne it is tradition to serve some orange soda with baklava. 

Visiting with Kadie and her folks

After visiting the great uncle we went to Kadie's maternal grandparents. I loved the outdoor living space they had created. I loved seeing purple flowers with a background of drying red peppers and a pomegranate tree, sitting with people who loved me as their own. From there we went to her paternal grandfather's house. After we left there I asked where her paternal grandmother was. She said her grandparents had divorced and her grandmother lived with one if her dad's brothers. She said they don't see the grandmother anymore because of the divorce. 

Porch Sitting

 It took us almost half an hour to walk to our next destination. Kadie's family dies not have a car. As we walked, I loved being in a new part of town, seeing the old, colorful homes like the bright blue one with aqua railings. I loved the winding streets with chickens pecking the ground. I kept seeing limbs and bones of sacrificed animals so that was nice. Cats were everywhere eating bits of flesh from dumpsters. Kadie commented that it was a holiday for humans and cats alike. We arrived to our next visit only to discover the family members were on the road to another city. I wondered why we had walked so far without calling. We rounded the corner and the sunset view was beautiful. At the next turn we stopped in to another great uncle's house. We sat on their outdoor covered porch. Some neighbors ran by chasing an escaped rooster. A minute later they return holding the squawking thing. Again, I was thankful for this chance to live in this land and know this family. I’m thankful for cool breezes in a foreign place that each day becomes more familiar. 

We left again and went to her dad’s brother's house. Her dad scolded him for not coming to see him earlier in the day. His sister was there. A couple of other brothers show up. I counted with Kadie and realized that I have finally met all of her dad's siblings. I'm no closer to knowing any of their names. The host dumped some more cologne on me. After my fifth visit, I'm sure I had enough to last for a whole year. I chatted with Kadie on the couch while her relatives tried to out talk and out story-tell each other. We talked about life like two old friends. 

We eventually left. The evening air grew cool and I was without a jacket. Kadie gave me her thin sweater to wrap up in. They walked me to the bus stop and then texted later to make sure I made it safely home. There are hard things about living in this place but days like that day and people like Kadie are treasures that my Stateside friends will never have the privilege to know. 

Yep, I Live Overseas

Yep, I Live Overseas

I was at the pazar one day talking to my village friend. A lady walked up and something was moving around in her pazar cart. I guess my first thought was that she had a small pet dog in there. It turns out she had bought a live fish to take home and cook. 

I've made several friends at the pazar and try to buy from them regularly. For some reason they seem to want to give me free things. The aforementioned village lady regularly gives me cucumbers and tomatoes. She gives way more than I can eat and often won’t accept money from me. It makes me feel awkward because I want to support her by buying from her but she won’t let me. Sometimes I just buy from someone else but then that doesn’t help to continue our relationship.

One day this village lady gave me a melon. These particular melons are a cross between a honeydew and a cantaloupe. A few minutes later I saw my nut seller. He gave me two melons. A few days later a neighbor gave me another melon. That was FOUR melons for a single woman to try to eat. 

The day I signed the rental contract on my new home was the day before the Eve of a major holiday. It was also a Saturday and pazar day. In the span of about ten minutes I was almost hit by a car 4-5 times. I’ve decided that pedestrians here definitely do not have the right away. My friends back in the States are often concerned for my safety since my country makes it in the news often. I tell concerned friends that I'm more likely to die from being hit by a car than from a bomb. My second greatest death threat is secondhand smoke. 

I'm still working on language. I retook a test recently to see if I had improved over the past few months. I actually did worse in the grammar portion! Outside of that, I mostly feel encouraged about my progress. I can understand most conversations if I pay attention. I'm also at a place that I can eventually explain anything I'd like to even though it might take a while and be filled with mistakes. According to my language helper, I can say I have learned a second language because I can communicate and be understood. And guys, I can talk on the phone without sweating bullets. I can understand the speaker and they can understand me. This is a big deal! I also have successfully used the dictation feature to send texts to local friends. That is hard even in English so I am proud of myself. 

Here are some other things that comprise my daily life:

-All things cold will make you sick. Wind and fans will make you sick or else give you a crick in the neck. According to my one friend, her son got bacteria in his throat, and was out of commission for several weeks because he slept in front of an air conditioner. 

-Cashiers swipe credit cards for the customers. I fear that when I visit America again, I’ll be the weirdo who hands my card to the cashier. 

-If you eat at a fast food place here, there are janitors who clear the tables of the trash. When I return to America, I fear I’ll be the weird rude person who leaves my trash on the table. 

-People rarely give tips here. When I’m in my homeland again, I may forget.  

-Taxes are included in price tags. I bought something online the other day and was shocked that it cost 10% more because of tax.

-I have a door man who takes my trash out every night. If I ever live in America again, this is another thing I may forget.

-After having lived here, I always take my shoes off at the door. Sometimes I watch American movies or tv shows and am disgusted when someone traipses all over the house with their shoes on. What a bunch of weirdos!

-One skill I am slowly acquiring is how to properly hydrate myself and then dehydrate myself and then rehydrate myself. Water is not an acceptable beverage to serve to guests here and bathrooms aren’t always handy. 

-Folks here ask what time I go to bed and when I wake up. When I tell them I wake up around 8am they wonder why I get up so early when I feel like a lazy bum if I sleep that late. I’m slowly adapting. I’m supposed to be up by 7 one day this week and I’m wondering why I need to be up so early. Of course when I visit friends at night and in place of water they serve me an espresso like coffee, going to bed at 10pm is out of the question. My eyes are wide open until 2 or 3 am. 

-It is so cheap to travel here. I have been on a one way airplane ride for about $20. I can get buses to most places in the country for between $10 and $30. I don’t think I will like travel costs when I return to America.

-Rent is also cheap. Locals think I am paying crazy expensive rent when in reality I pay less than $300 a month for a nice, big apartment in the city center. My American friends’ jaws drop at such cheap rent. 

-I went to a water park last week. The food seemed expensive until I realized that my meal only cost about $6 and that bottled water was less than a dollar. I remember going to Disney World about 10 years ago and a hot dog and fries was about $10, the drink was extra.

-One of my favorite things that I have long since grown accustomed too is fresh food. Fresh crusty bread from the oven filled with fresh grilled lamb meat. Fresh figs, fresh veggies, fresh fruit. Mmmm. Life is good.

-I’m slowly becoming less and less surprised that most women I know smoke. I knew very few smokers in America.

-One thing that I’m still growing accustomed to is seeing chickens wandering around everywhere.

-I am regularly asked by locals if I want to marry a local man. Everyone wants to marry me off. I usually follow up by asking if they are happy in their marriage. I have yet to find a single woman who said yes. They are all miserable and for some reason they want me to join in that. Sometimes I think they are hopeful that maybe it would work out for me and I would be the exception to the rule. Sometimes I think they are uncomfortable with a single person because being single means lacking in value. 

Moving

One day over the summer I visited my neighbor Violet. Big Sis U came over too. In the midst of our conversation U nudges me and with a big grin on her face said my landlord's son was getting married and would probably move into my place. She wondered if I had heard any news. I was a little taken back by her joyful attitude. It seemed cold to be openly celebrating the son's return when it meant I'd lose my home. I told her I had not heard this news and put it out of my head. 

Our apartment complex has a yearly meeting to discuss building fee increases, coal costs, and to air out any complaints wishes. Attendance wasn't mandatory but I decided to stay so I could get to know my neighbors better. I figured they all thought it odd that the foreigner came to the meeting when most locals failed to show. Oh well, they already think I'm weird. 

A few days later, my friend told me my landlord wanted to see me. Big Sis U's words came back to haunt me. I suspected he was going to ask me to move. I figured he wanted to tell me early so I could have a place picked out by February when my lease would end. I figured one thing correct, he did want me to move but he was only giving me a month and a half to be out. 

This news came just a week or two after I learned my cleaning helper would no longer be able to clean for me. These were two big losses for me and I mourned. I'd be leaving AB, my grandpa security guard. Who would help me when the bats came in my house? Who would help me figure out electricity problems? And I’d have to leave my sweet neighbor Violet with her sweet big dog. Who would I ask my cultural questions to? I was just getting to know that sweet new neighbor and she frequently brought me plates of food. And then there is Grandma F. We had just now learned to communicate with one another. I'd have to leave my quiet street and I would miss the great lighting in the kitchen and living room and cabinets in the bathroom. It’s been so nice to have security guards sign for packages for me when I was not home.  

I had a good cry about it all. I told myself it would be ok. I hadn't planned on staying there forever anyway. It was weird for a single person to live in such a large and luxurious place and pay so much money. Really I paid less than $300 a month for the nice place but to them it was crazy expensive. I figured it was time to move on and I was growing comfortable. This was the push I needed to move on. 

As I began to look for places, I tried to get my local friends to help me look. I told AB, my security guard I had to move. He nodded his head and said he already knew about my dilemma. It made me wonder how many others knew at the apartment meeting which made it even weirder that I had attended. He told me that there had been empty apartments in our complex the whole time I had lived there until about two months ago. Bummer. But I trusted again that the Lord was saying it's time to move on. 

I tried to find ways to use this time to be needy with my local friends. I read a book once where an overseas community was asked which foreigner was most loved by the locals. They all named the same man. The reason they gave was that in hard times that man chose to depend on the locals rather than his own people back in the States. I decided to put this into action and see if Evi would help me. Even though she had only gotten a few hours sleep due to sitting up the night before at the hospital, she graciously agreed. 

That day I was feeling pretty overwhelmed and sad at having to leave my apartment. I was overwhelmed with trying to find a new place and figuring out how to do that. Everyone we talked to seemed very reluctant to even talk to us since I was a single, foreign woman. They all thought I would be up to no good having boys over all the time and throwing raging parties. They all wondered if I would really pay my rent. Then as Evi and I were looking at apartments together, I ran into my carpet store friend and he started looking too. God brought to mind the other 10 or so local friends who were helping me in the search. I even overheard my security guard passionately defending me when a rental agent was stereotyping me as a wild, foreign woman. I remembered back to my fears before I arrived that I would not make friends in this new country. I realized just how much the Father was lavishing love on me through my community of local friends. To add to that, Evi and I found my new apartment a few hours after that. He gives us abundant gifts!

Outside view of the new place

Great view from my balcony

Real wood floors! So shiny!

And a laundry room bonus!

I love the color on the kitchen cabinets

The Refreshing Lake House

One week I found myself frustrated or else immobilized by constantly changing plans. On one afternoon, in the span of an hour, I had three separate engagements changed for a total of 6 changes. I told my friend that the structured and scheduled Candace has grown a lot. The matured me was still standing after all the changes but not without feeling some stress. In addition to the changes is the fluidity of time here. I randomly find myself with a chunk of time ranging from as little as 30 minutes up to a couple of hours waiting on a message from someone. It’s hard to know how to be productive when one may need to leave at a moment’s notice. Some days/hours I know exactly where I need to be. Other days/weeks I feel like I’m chasing a cat’s tail.

After a rough week of constantly changing plans along with some stress and anxiety, my friends invited me to join our mutual friend at their country house on the lake. They use this home for special occasions and to get away from city life. I almost declined the offer having set my expectations low on what I would find. I’m glad I went and that the day exceeded my expectations. The view was great, the food even greater, and there was a nice cool breeze all day long. That coupled with all of the greenery made my heart happy. Eating fresh figs and fresh cream and honey on bread was an "I get to live her moment."

Later that week and out of the blue, one of my art class friends said she was in town for the day and asked if I wanted to meet up. She said she wanted to stop in town and see me. Do you know how happy it made my heart to have someone pursue me in a relationship? She had previously told me about a boy she liked and how their relationship was progressing. She told me her woes of how he had ended things with her and how upset she was. I used that time to tell her how in my singleness I have learned the Father knows best, I can trust Him, and often when He takes from us, He is protecting us. I told her how through prayer he showed me that marriage is not always full of bliss nor singleness full of woes. I told her that one of my gifts of singleness is that I was able to travel, sitting in sunshine in a new country and culture with her. That was my second, “I get to live here moment" of the week. 

Breakfast Spread

 Dinner Spread

The Not So Sweaty Wedding

The henna night was on a Wednesday. The first wedding in the far away city was on Friday and the second one in my city was on Sunday. I opted out of the Friday wedding. I didn't think I could handle another long sweaty day of travel, loud migraine inducing music, and a late night. When I met up with the family again on Sunday they said they were surprised that I didn't come to the first wedding since I was part of the family. Once again I met up with Kadie's mom at the hair salon. Kadie was elsewhere getting her hair fixed. I realized that each woman in the family bought three separate fancy dresses for each occasion. For the second wedding alone Kadie's dress cost about 400 of the local money, about $135, which is a lot for locals. 

After the hair salon we went back to the aunt's house. They had some food catered to feed all of the guests. We sat in plastic chairs on a basketball court as we ate. After that everyone got dressed. There were people everywhere inside and outside of the small house. The musicians started playing music and everyone went downstairs to wait for the bride. We didn’t wait that long but instead crammed 6 adults into a 5 person car and made our way to the wedding. The driver sped his way to drop us off so he could taxi more folks to the wedding. All his efforts to get there quickly were thwarted when we had to wait several minutes at the train tracks.  

When we arrived I sat at the family table. Being a single person with no family of my own here, it felt nice to be at the family table. Kadie was to leave the wedding early because she was moving to a city 17 hours away. She was frustrated that the bride and groom were running behind. She had spent all that money on the dress and would only get to wear it for 2 hours. Finally they came and the dancing commenced. I enjoyed watching their fun dancing this time. It helped that my head was not aching. I loved watching her mom get in on the young, hip dance. Eventually they started pinning money and gold on the bride and groom. Kadie's mom did her part and then they left. They arranged for the same uncle, from the henna night, to take me home at the end of the night. 

Eventually the line thinned and I went to pin some money on the groom. He and his mom just beamed as I participated in the tradition. Her mom gave me a big hug and thanked me. I told her I'm part of the family and it's what family does. After a little more dancing, a new friend offered to take me home early. I was grateful to get out early since my friend Kadie had already left. 

Musicians waiting for the bride.

Kadie and I

The wedding hall

The family table

Dancing, dancing, dancing

The Sweaty Henna Night

I met Kadie in art class as I have mentioned before. She wasn't so sure about me at first but I felt we transformed from classmates to friends in the span of a day when I took some Mexican food to class. They were worried it had pork in it but I assured them that I respected their culture too much to do something so shameful. I felt a shift that day in how Kadie and the others viewed me. After the semester ended, we started hanging out regularly. 

The first time we hung out was at her birthday party. I met a lot of her family that night and it was hard to keep track of who was who. The truth is that I have known this family for 6-7 months now and still know very few names. I'm just now figuring out who is from her mom's side and who is from her dad's side. Anyway, the family accepted me with open arms and told me I was now a part of their family and could visit whenever I wanted. They invited me to an engagement party in the village and then to a wedding later in the summer. I went to the engagement party in the spring and the time for the wedding had finally arrived. 

Kadie told me that the henna night was on a Wednesday in a city about two hours away. She told me to be ready to go around Wednesday afternoon. I called her on Wednesday to get a more specific time. She had went on ahead of me but told me I could meet up with her mom at a hair salon. That was a bummer. 

Most of her family members are covered ladies. I wondered what they were doing at the hair salon if they don't show hair. I discovered they were getting their makeup done and fancy headscarf up dos. As they pulled out dresses, I realized I had under dressed. I had over dressed when I went to the engagement party and this time I undershot it. Alas, this is my life as a foreigner. 

From there we got in a car but I didn't know our destination. We ended up at the groom's family's house. We ate food together before leaving. After dinner we went outside and I discovered they had rented a school shuttle to take the lot of us to the other city. Not everyone in the family has cars so there weren't enough cars to take us all to the party. In fact I would guess that only half of the families in my city have cars and those families usually only have one to share. 

We boarded the bus and I ended up sitting by a female family member. She wasn't up for talking and I slowly began to realize that this trip would not be about quality time and good conversations. I remembered that wedding events are usually places for loud music and lots of dancing. I began regretting my decision to come. Then the shuttle began to fill with body heat and humidity as we descended from our high altitude to the lower and hotter destination city. As I sweated buckets I slowly finished my water bottle. I learned that week that sweating boosts endorphins, flushes toxins, lowers the risk of kidney stones and prevents colds and zits? I didn’t feel so thankful as my body dripped away all the fluids. My head started hurting as we slowly bounced down the gravel road due to road construction. It took forever to reach the city. The driver didn't know where the party location was so we pulled up on a sidewalk to get out of traffic until someone could meet us and lead us to the location. Someone bought ice cold water at the gas station and I was ever so thankful. 

We finally arrived and my clothes were soaked. On the plus side the wedding was outside so there were breezes. The dancing started and they danced and danced and danced. I had a migraine by this point. They finally broke with the dancing long enough to do the henna portion. I noticed that at my art teacher's henna night, the henna portion was a very solemn thing. At this second one it seemed more like they were fulfilling the traditional part to get back to dancing. In fact, five minutes later both the bride and groom were wiping the henna from their hands so they could dance more freely. I kept my eye on the groom's mom throughout the evening. She was stoic faced and didn't seem to be enjoying herself. After the henna part I saw her eyes filled with tears. I realized she was sad to see her son growing up.

By 11pm I had had my feel of the loud music and dancing. I was tired and ready to go home but I was at the mercy of the folks I had come with. As the hour continued and my ears were numb from the loud music, I wondered what those who live in the neighborhood think about these long, loud outdoor parties. I bet they were wishing we would leave too. Finally around midnight the family was rounded up and we loaded the shuttle bus. Kadie made the trip back with us. The bus driver again didn't know where he was going so we went out of the way a bit. Once we were on the road everyone fell asleep including me. When we were almost back Kadie told me we would probably just stay at her aunt's house since it was so late. In my half awake state I realized it was the last thing I wanted to do. I prayed the whole way home that I would get a ride home. One of her uncles gave me a ride and I happily laid down in my own bed around 3:30 thankful the Lord had answered my prayers.  

There is always fire at these things.

And a fancy colorful chair.

I thought the bride's henna dress was fun.