A Million Times

To say the last five years have been hard is to put it mildly. From 2019-2022 I endured a lot of hard. I wrote about the bulk of the hard in this post. 

Then one day earlier this year, wallowing in self-pity, I complained to the Lord that I felt as if I had been left all alone in a desert. Then he reminded me of the truth of scripture that I can't go from his Spirit - I literally can’t be apart from him. No matter what I feel the truth is I'm not alone. My feelings were false. 

To replace the false image, He gave me a new image. This one was a visual of me in the desert with a 3D spiral of Father, Son and Holy Spirit surrounding me.

 

A week or so later my mental image was expanded - I was in a wilderness inside a spiral of the trinity with a pillar of cloud by day and a fire by night. There was also a group of people who regularly pray for me acting as my rear guard.

Then I did a debrief retreat processing the hard of the past 4 years. I talked about this in my last post. I spent the week in Psalm 139 and listened to a song called “Never See the End." 

It says 

"Though we pass through the fire 

Or we pass through the flood 

You will be with us 

Though we walk through the valley 

The darkest of night

Your love will be our light”

I’d done a timeline of the past 4 years - valleys & hills showing how dark, how hard, how low, how fiery my time had been. My mental image was expanded. As in the night when one can't see the sun, in dark valleys we often can't see Christ. But it doesn’t mean he’s not there. The clouds or the darkness may hide his face but it doesn’t change the truth of his steady presence. 

Then I read this:

"Not only is God all around us 

Not only is Christ with us 

Not only is the Spirit within us 

We are forever in Christ Jesus." 

-Adam Ramsey

Completely filled, completely surrounded, he’s inside of us and we’re simultaneously inside of him. So no escaping his presence. Nothing can penetrate the shield unless he allows it. Never alone. Safe in him.

After all of that, I stumble upon this song my old friend Patrick Mayberry recently wrote. He sums up this journey pretty well.  

A MILLION TIMES

I've seen my fair share of ups and downs

I've walked some hard miles on shaky ground

But from the place that I am standing now

It's clear to see

You were right there with me

All You've ever been

All You ever will be

All You ever are

Is faithful, faithful

At least a million times

I've seen it with my own eyes

All You've ever been

Is faithful, faithful

I've had plenty and I've seen drought

I've been on fire and I've burned out

But from the place that I am standing now

It's clear to see

You were right there with me, yeah

As sure as the sun's coming up every morning

I'm sure of the promise my Father is for me

His grace, His kindness, His favor keep coming

What a faithful, faithful God

What a faithful, faithful God