Adventure Update - A Year Later

I cannot believe how fast a year has passed.  Today marks the one year anniversary of when my new adventure started.  The journey has been challenging and yet sweet.  One of the blessings of this new adventure means I don't dread Mondays anymore!  (See above picture.)

If you recall, I decided to begin pursuing a job overseas and almost immediately lost my job of 7 years.  I am still in pursuit of the overseas job.  The company has a long-drawn out process which has been frustrating at times.  There is a method to their lengthy madness and a significant part of that is trying to discover whether applicants are willing to persevere and also digging into their hearts to see if they can adapt well to the stress of a new culture.  I have currently completed 3 out of 5 steps.  One of the things they check for is physical health and trying to resolve issues that could only worsen in the stress of another culture.  I am now impatiently waiting to be medically cleared.  If things continue to move forward at the projected speed, and I continue to gain approval, I could be moving overseas by the tail end of this year.  I will be honest that the delays and waiting make me adapt the attitude that “I won’t believe it till I see it.” or until my feet are on foreign soil with my belongings.  God has used much of this journey to show me scarred areas of my heart, ways in which I do not trust Him, opportunities to practice trusting Him, and areas of weakness to be strengthened.  He also tries to hammer in my skull that my timing His timing is perfect.  

In other news, I began working from home doing freelance architectural drafting.  I have discovered that working from home is not all it’s cracked up to be.  If you have an office job and are wishing you could work from home, it has some struggles.  True, I get to work in my pajamas if I want and I can set my own work hours but there are downsides.  One downside is that as a freelancer, I am not guaranteed a set paycheck.  I also never know when I’ll have work.  Some days I think I’ll have work and I don’t or I’ll finish early.  Other days I expect to have a day off and it seems everyone wants me to work.  A second downside is that it is ridiculously hard to accumulate a good chunk of hours worked.  My extracurricular activities get in the way.  Friends stop by. I have to stop to make lunch and clean the kitchen.  I have to change out laundry loads.  It seems like there were less interruptions at the office and even if there were interruptions, I was paid the same nonetheless.  Speaking of housework, that is another downside.  I have discovered that I can never escape housework or paid work.  When I worked in an office, I could leave all my cleaning chores at home.  From the office, I could not do anything about laundry so it didn’t weigh on me.  Similarly, at 5:00, I left work at the office.  While working from home, I never get away from either and it’s always a battle to figure out which is the priority.  Another downside to freelance work is self-employment taxes.  I learned that as an employee, my employers paid part of my taxes for me.  As self-employed, I have to pay my own taxes.  Lastly, working from home is lonely.  And yes, that last statement was made by an introvert.  Having a roommate that works 12 hour shifts during the day, means there are days that I see nor talk to anyone.  I have to be intentional about making plans with friends so I don’t go insane.  

Over the past year, I have had 6 jobs.  I freelanced for two separate guys doing drafting work.  I finished teaching my art class last spring.  I babysat for a couple months.  I also began driving a van for the local international school.  In addition to all of that, I am currently the assistant coordinator for the international festival at the local university.  If you think it’s a bit chaotic to juggle all of those jobs, I also took 4 seminary classes with a ridiculous amount of reading and this comes from a person who loves to read.  In addition, I began volunteering weekly at the local pregnancy center and started an internship with my church.  This is all in addition to existing extracurricular activities that were ongoing before the job loss.  Through the juggling of all of these things, God has been stretching me to be more flexible and less of a control-freak planner.  

Throughout the past year, God has proven to be a faithful provider in spite of my pitiful trust in Him.  I made more during the first 3 months of 2013 than I did the last 9 months.  My original budget projected that I needed to work 20 hours a week and I only averaged 10.  In spite of all of this, I never missed a meal due to lack of funds.  In fact, most days I ate better than before because I had time to prepare home-cooked, healthy meals.  I was never late on any of my bills.  I paid for 4 seminary classes and still have a bit of money in savings.  In addition, by some strange miracle, I did not pay in quarterly self-employment taxes and yet I miraculously got money back on my return rather than having to pay in.  As I write these words, my finances don’t make sense on paper.  All I can say is that God is a faithful provider and I am thankful.  I still have many moments of doubt but He always provides.  

Additional Adventure Sweetness    

-So many warm days at the park

-Seminary knowledge and time to gain it (even if I didn’t enjoy it at the time)

-Trip to the Creeper Trail with my parents

-Trip to Orlando with my bff

-Extra time with my family

-Language School driving adventures

-Volunteer opportunities

-Gulf Shores Vacation with my family

-Unrushed morning quiet time with Jesus
-Starting the day slowly often

-No need to shower every day

-Overseas travels with my mom (and the money anonymously provided for that trip)

-Extended holiday time with my family

-A chance to get counselor training

-A week in Peoria resting and visiting friends

-My first ever staycation

-Quality time with my dad on a hunting trip

-Extra time with Mashaael before she moved

-Weekday hangouts and travels

-Extra time to hang out with friends who won’t be overseas with me

-Created and sold several art pieces

-Many opportunities to share my passion

-My first ever Ben Rector concert

-Made a new friend, Ashley

-Movies paid for by the Language school

-Ridiculous outpouring of gifts of money or food from friends

-Getting paid to work with internationals
-Learning to embrace weaknesses and the stretching
-Learning to take the weeks with little work as gifts where He leads me by still waters

Morning Prayer

“But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I will hope in him.’ The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.” -Lamentations 3:21-26

Oh Great and Merciful Father,

I thank you for hope and for the anthem in the verses above. I thank You that You are steadfast always and can therefore be trusted. I thank You that Your mercies never end and each morning as I wake, Your mercy covers me. Like a waterfall and the constant downpour of water is Your steadfastness and mercy. I thank You that even when I have strayed or sinned that the blood of Christ has already washed over all my sins and I find cleansing anew. My defilements are erased, Your wrath has been abolished and I am made pure and blameless before You. Thank You for teaching me to be quick to claim the blood of Christ over my life rather than wallowing for weeks in self-pity and shame, hoping that You may find favor and value in me eventually. Thank You for teaching me to draw near to the throne of grace with confidence rather than cowering away in shame and in my drawing near receiving instant mercy and finding grace rather than condemnation. I pray for those of my friends and family who have been slow to learn this lesson that they too this morning would draw near to You rather than running and hiding. I thank You that in my drawing near, I see the great cost that Jesus has paid and how the great act of love makes me more than ever want to honor Him with my life and to flee from sin not Him. I thank You for your faithfulness, that You are steady, You are a Rock, that You don’t take risks so I can. Thank You for being my Portion, for the only well that will satisfy. My hope is only in You. May my eyes not drift to lesser affections. I lift up friends and family members who are still running to wells that will not save or satisfy or give them value. Thank You for Your goodness and for letting things go slowly so that I know my hope and trust and provision and direction are from You. Help me to wait well and in my waiting to find more and more of You and Your salvation.

Father, show me Your purposes for me today in this time and in this place. Open my eyes to the people You are working in and help me to point them to You.  Also, may Your voice be the loudest in my mind and heart drowning out all lesser voices, especially that of the enemy.  

“Oh God be my everything, be my delight

 Be Jesus my glory, my soul satisfied.”

Eager Expectation

I remember as child getting ridiculously excited and probably a little crazy around Christmas in anticipation of Christmas morning and what goodies and gifts it would bring.  Christmas Eve felt like it lasted a week. One year in particular I remember waking up at 4:44 in the morning, tiptoeing into my parents room and asking if we could open presents. Needless to say, they sent me back to bed.

I find as an adult that this attitude of eager expectation has disappeared somewhere between piles of laundry, work, and lack of sleep. During this season of Lent, I have intentionally scheduled a daily break from the noise to be in the Presence of God and to hopefully catch His voice speaking into my life. On Sunday morning, the voice came quietly but nonetheless clearly:

‘You do not have enough expectation in your life.’

I don’t know the specifics of what I am to be expecting and yet my heart understood. I tend to be a skeptic, a cynic, a realist focusing on facts and details rather than dreaming wild, crazy things and then waiting in childlike expectation and even pestering until those things to come to fruition.  

I went about the rest of my day with the word ‘expectation’ simmering in my soul. My day ended busy, noisy and I was weary, spent, exhausted and a little heart sick from it all. When I awoke the next morning, I was still feeling a little weary but I sought out some truth in the early morning and was not disappointed. The words totally reiterated the words from the day before:

“Waiting on Me means directing your attention to Me in hopeful anticipation of what I will do. It entails trusting Me with every fiber of your being, instead of trying to figure things out yourself. Waiting on Me is the way I designed you to live: all day, every day. I created you to stay conscious of Me as you go about your daily duties.” -Sarah Young Jesus Calling p.89

“‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I will hope in him.’ The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.” -Lamentations 3:24-26

I looked up the Hebrew words for ‘wait’ in these verses and amazingly here are the synonyms: to expect, look for, wait upon, wait quietly.

I was thinking yesterday about some recent conversations where God answered prayers quickly in my life or my friend’s life. It is always quite shocking in my life when He actually says yes to my requests. Why is this abnormal? Why not expect the miracle? I’m not saying that I should be able to ‘name it and claim it’ on wishes in my life as if God were some genie sent to do my bidding. What I am saying is that He is a God who delights in making Himself look glorious and as Ephesians says He lavishes us with the riches of His grace. There are so many times where I miss recognizing His blessing, His voice, His Presence because I am too busy, too distracted, too entertained, or just not keeping a watchful eye. For now, I have my eyes wide opening ready to see what the next few months will bring. I’m not quite to the place of Christmas morning childlike giddiness but hopefully I will get there.

“I pray... for the Spirit... because I feel his absence,”

“Give me not weak desires but the power of his presence,”

“Save me... from being content with a little measure of the Spirit... content with a little light.” -The Valley of Vision ‘GOD THE SPIRIT’ p.29

“There is a coward sparing in the heart,

Offspring of penury and low-born fear:--

Prayer must take heed nor overdo its part,

Asking too much of him with open ear!

Sinners must wait, not seek the very best,

Cry out for peace, and be of middling cheer:--

False heart! thou cheatest God, and doest they life molest.”

“I clasp thy feet, O father of the living!

Thou wilt not let my fluttering hopes be more,

Or lovelier, or greater, than thy giving!

Surely thy ships will bring to my poor shore,

Of gold and peacocks such a shining store

As will laugh all the dreams to holy scorn,

Of love and sorrow that were ever born.”

-George MacDonald A Book of Strife in the Form of The Diary of an Old Soul p.84-85, 82